Seriously? Fuck me

I am re-reading my posts from just 3 short months ago.  I've gained MORE weight since then, and am thoroughly disgusted with myself.  Officially I've hit 275.8 as a high #, that's 9 lbs more than I weighed three months ago.  I keep saying enough is enough.  I'll have a good week then it will all go to shit.  I even worked out 4-5 days a week for 3 weeks straight.  Thought I was getting back on track, only had 1 cheat MEAL, not day, a week.  This past week was not ok, I did not go to the gym once, I ate out everyday and did not walk as much as I could have.

Holidays are coming, sister's wedding is coming and what I am I doing...NOTHING.  God damnit I feel like I fail myself all the time.  This is a girl who, at one time, went to bed every day at 7pm just to get up at 3 or 3:30am to work out for 2 hours before work!  RELIGIOUSLY!  What the fuck is wrong with me, seriously?  Gah, I am so pissed at myself every day.  I buy good food and don't eat it, so not only am I destroying my body but I am wasting perfectly good food too.  I am such a bad human, for real.

I really think I need to blog more, let it all out everyday.  Goals this week--obviously go to the gym :)  Blog at least 4 more times, and eat the food I bought this weekend no more going out!!

Never back down, never give up.  One day at a time, this is my life, I'm the only one who has to live it!

When will the bad week end?

Last week was a horrible, stressful, bad everything week. By the end of the week I was surprised to have only gained a 1/2 lb with all the crap I had eaten. But that was good news... Bad news the weekend was worse. Total crap, everything was total crap. This lead to an almost 3 lb gain.

I'm supposed to be losing weight damnit. What the fuck is wrong with me? Reel it in Christine Marie. Reel. It. In.

Long work days

Nothing like getting a call at 6 in the morning that someone called off and you already have a long day ahead of you. Yesterday was an 11 hour day, today will be almost 13. Sometimes with busy days it's hard to get eating in, so when you do eat you're starving!

Yesterday wasn't too bad, muffin for breakfast, sandwich for lunch, chipotle for dinner. The bad part was the chips with chipotle. Come on how can you not get chips? Today I had potatoes and a muffin for breakfast but nothing since. I tend to make bad choices when I'm stressed out and on a time crunch.

Ok, I really want chipotle again and odds are I won't eat again till much later tonight and even then I won't eat much cuz it's right to bed. Ohhhh man. Tough week, tough choices. Never give up never back down. One day at a time.

A lot has changed

Wow... Just wow. The last part I did was almost a year ago and a lot has changed since then. Let's start with the nitty gritty... My current weight is 262.6 lbs. Damn. I told myself I'd never be there again I am 12 lbs away from gaining everything I originally lost in 2010. Let's examine the past year's events.

Started a biggest loser contest January 1st, I weighed on at 241, and I started off doing well! February rolled around and I was offered the amazing opportunity to be a general manager at another hotel... In San  Bernardino, CA. Of course I accepted! Within a month I packed up my apartment and moved 1,800 miles from my friends and family. I also packed on 10 lbs weighing 252 by the time I moved.

My first priority was joining a gym, good ole 24 hour fitness. I went a couple times then rarely... That's been my pattern since March. I was supposed to run a half marathon July 4th and a full marathon on October. Say goodbye to those dreams, I can't even run 3 mins without dying.

Life happens, gets on the way, screw's with your head. These last 4 months have been emotionally trying, but I live to see another day. My highest weight since moving was 266.4, I will NOT see this number again. I WILL NOT BE FAT FOR MY SISTER'S WEDDING A YEAR FROM NOW. I WILL NOT GIVE UP.

Positives today: bringing my breakfast and lunch to work. Walking the pup and meeting my step goal for the day.

Negative: not going to the gym and eating from the food truck, incredibly bad for you.

Never give up, never give in. One day at a time... This is MY fight song.