Monday, October 19, 2015

Seriously? Fuck me

I am re-reading my posts from just 3 short months ago.  I've gained MORE weight since then, and am thoroughly disgusted with myself.  Officially I've hit 275.8 as a high #, that's 9 lbs more than I weighed three months ago.  I keep saying enough is enough.  I'll have a good week then it will all go to shit.  I even worked out 4-5 days a week for 3 weeks straight.  Thought I was getting back on track, only had 1 cheat MEAL, not day, a week.  This past week was not ok, I did not go to the gym once, I ate out everyday and did not walk as much as I could have.

Holidays are coming, sister's wedding is coming and what I am I doing...NOTHING.  God damnit I feel like I fail myself all the time.  This is a girl who, at one time, went to bed every day at 7pm just to get up at 3 or 3:30am to work out for 2 hours before work!  RELIGIOUSLY!  What the fuck is wrong with me, seriously?  Gah, I am so pissed at myself every day.  I buy good food and don't eat it, so not only am I destroying my body but I am wasting perfectly good food too.  I am such a bad human, for real.

I really think I need to blog more, let it all out everyday.  Goals this week--obviously go to the gym :)  Blog at least 4 more times, and eat the food I bought this weekend no more going out!!

Never back down, never give up.  One day at a time, this is my life, I'm the only one who has to live it!

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